ATTENTION GSO: IT IS NOW COLD! what are you wearing?
Now that fall has FINALLY reared its SEXY SEXY auburn mane it is time to talk about SWEATERS!After consulting with our personal ULTRA GAY (TomFord) we have compiled a couple notes on how to dress for the approaching chilly breezes and pre-winter weeks that we all call FALL!
Exhibit A
ARGYLE
This is a look for the boy who has everything…but never paid a dime for it. He prefers to be called by his second middle name and never wakes up before 2. Because going to bed before 3 is for people who know WHERE they will be sleeping on any given night.
Exhibit B
CARDIGAN
This is for the boy who thinks he’s getting old, possibly has children, or needs something to expose the breast of his ironic tee. This boy either has impeccable hygiene or never washes at all. Regardless of age or sanitation, this is a thinking man’s boy who either knows what he’s talking about or exactly how to make you believe in whatever happens to be tumbling out of his mouth.
This is for the boy who thinks he’s getting old, possibly has children, or needs something to expose the breast of his ironic tee. This boy either has impeccable hygiene or never washes at all. Regardless of age or sanitation, this is a thinking man’s boy who either knows what he’s talking about or exactly how to make you believe in whatever happens to be tumbling out of his mouth. Exhibit C
THE VARF
The VARF (vest + scarf) is for the boy who wants to be a man (and by “man” we mean Justin Timberlake). And he knows the only way to achieve this is to wear complicated home spun variations on classic garments. The vest says “I HAVE A JOB!” The scarf says, “BUT I’M NOT GOING, BECAUSE ITS COLD OUTSIDE!” And together they say, “GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY, I HAVE HEARTS TO MAKE THROB AND DANCE MOVES TO CREATE!”
*For extra flair, try taking J.T.’s lead by pairing your varf with and old man hat and a pair of impossibly white Nikes. This will have all the tour sponsors begging for YOUR endorsement!*
VARF TIP: Be mindful of your sleeve situation during the appropriate seasons. No one likes to ruin a perfectly revolutionary ensemble with unsightly goose bumps!
The VARF (vest + scarf) is for the boy who wants to be a man (and by “man” we mean Justin Timberlake). And he knows the only way to achieve this is to wear complicated home spun variations on classic garments. The vest says “I HAVE A JOB!” The scarf says, “BUT I’M NOT GOING, BECAUSE ITS COLD OUTSIDE!” And together they say, “GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY, I HAVE HEARTS TO MAKE THROB AND DANCE MOVES TO CREATE!”*For extra flair, try taking J.T.’s lead by pairing your varf with and old man hat and a pair of impossibly white Nikes. This will have all the tour sponsors begging for YOUR endorsement!*
VARF TIP: Be mindful of your sleeve situation during the appropriate seasons. No one likes to ruin a perfectly revolutionary ensemble with unsightly goose bumps!
Exhibit D
Sweaters to avoid:
+Those of the “Bill Cosby” variation
+Anything from J-Crew (If you are taller than 4ft.)
+ANYTHING from ANYONE on ANY EPISODE of Friends.
Good Luck!
