Live Blogging the Moment the Tweens Won
Ok, so this is not technically "live-blogging" since the Kid Nation premiere ended well before we could get the hypetop turned on and connected to the internet, but to say that the TWEENS now officially rule us all is entirely accurate. It's also probably the understatement of the millennium. It's a Hannah Montana world- we just live and buy tickets and blond wigs at exorbitant mark-up in it!
There are so many reasons why tonight's debut episode of televised child abuse ROCKED OUR FUCKING FACES OFF, but we only have so much Blogger-allocated room. So here goes. Top 14 reasons to watch Kid Nation.
1. The legal troubles. CBS lawyers, perhaps the smartest people in the world, chose New Mexico for Kid Nation filming. Why? Because of the seemingly advantageous legal status of the tumbleweed town they took over to shoot the show in. They shot the show during the school year, had no tutors, parents, or common sense on the set and managed to pass legal muster because they called it a "camp experience" instead of a "television job." You must watch Kid Nation if only to understand what the hell Matt Lauer will be talking about in a few months when the lawsuits kick into high gear.
2. Tears. Lots and lots of tears.
3. Sophia, the girl who dances on the street corner for tips. To buy a bike. Sophia is a front-runner favorite, and not just cause she won a $20,000 hunk of REAL GOLD on the first episode. She has the most potential of anyone in Kid Nation to start a zine.
4. Jared- we don't know what to say about him, except that he's awesome.
5. Taylor, the beauty queen who doesn't do dishes.
6. Is that pussy that I smell? Oh no, it's Jimmy.
7. It's a lot like South Park. Just kids being mean (and ocassionally cooperating!) with no adults around.
8. It's fun to guess which ones are gonna end up on drugs, in counseling, or at Guilford College.
9. Root beer. A root beer saloon is such a good idea. Those kids are all over it like it's Go-gurt, which is weird, because we don't think kids actually drink a whole lot of root beer in the real world. But they LOVE it in Bonanza City.
10. Not only do the tweens in Kid Nation get to play "Store" and "House," they get to play "Town." And "LIFE."
11. The host is slightly benevolent and seems to be the only calming presence. Those kids yell at each other about everything. The discussion of "TV versus Toilet" was the best duh-bate we've seen on television since Sanjaya's performances on American Idol tore Randy and Paula apart. (Taking a shit, or watching "That's So Raven?" It's like Sophie's choice!)
12. Michael the orator. When he speaks, which is often, everybody claps. With their hands.
13. At the very beginning, some boy fell out from leg cramp. This same boy later fell down during the oil rig challenge. More of this is sure to come! (See reason number one for the importance of injuries to the Kid Nation entertainment factor.)
14. Lastly, if any one of these teams had Coral, they would totally win every single challenge. Perhaps the Yellow Team could use her the most; adding her would raise their average age to a paltry 12. If the Yellow Team were any smaller or younger, they would be mice.
Well, America, the tweens have finally kicked our tired old asses. We couldn't be more in love with it. MORE KID NATION PLEASE!
