LOST Finale: F for...

FLASH FORWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


As you can see above, everyone on the Island was as shocked as we about this week's temporal inversion.

Other Points of Interest:

-Jack's Beard.

-Jack's father being dead but still working at the hospital.

-Russian Man proves yet again what everyone already knows about bad guys: YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE DEAD OR ELSE THEY WILL CRAWL INTO THE WATER AND BLOW YOU UP!

-Bai Ling seems to have dissapeared all together: Good Call.

-And well Jesus, it was two hours long, people. Just watch it on the internets and leave me alone!

PS: Spelling Bea (Arthur) pics coming soon!!!

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Last Week's Lost = M for Meh

We were not impressed! Granted, everyone knows that the episode before the season finale serves only to set up the season finale and is never really interesting in and of itself, but still...

The rundown:

-Cheesy Charlie keeps having totally cheesy flashbacks about his cheesy life working in the cheese factory.

-Claire, ignoring the fact that Charlie is a drug addict and set the camp on fire and kidnapped Sun and almost drowned her baby, finally gives him herpes a kiss.

-Blabbadyblah blabbedyblah the Others are coming.

-Finally, a water level!

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This Week's LOST = D for Devastating

...................................HypePipe mourns the death of John Locke.

Although we're pretty sure the Island will bring him back to life before too long. Perhaps after falling to the center of Moria and vanquishing the Balrog atop the peak of Zirakzigil

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Last Week's LOST = XXX

.............................The Good Ole Days, Pre-Juliet

The small screen was gettin' big sexy last week as Sawyer and Locke entered into a devil's bargain and the noose continued to slowly tighten around stupid little doctor Jack's neck.

Main points:

-Jack and his whore-traitor Juliet are suuuuuuuuch good friends. They even share spoons. And they have some big secret that they're not going to tell Kate about. Kate would kick both their asses but, as we've learned, Juliet is invincible.



-Another wacky Sawyer connection!!!!! But this time somone gets choked with a chain. Hot.

-Desmond and his Merry Men keep their Italiana Mamma hidden from the rest of the camp. Especially Jack. I'm guessing they also keep her sedated so that they might all have their way with her whenever they please.

-Kate and Sawyer are still banging, or at least waking up shirtless together. Kinda like how Jack and Juliet share spoons. Ooo, I smell a Couples' Challenge in the offing...

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Last Week's LOST: WEAK

But at least we know now, once and for all, that Korea is indeed buhoooooooooring. Unlike say, Australia, or sub-Saharan Africa, or any of the myriad other places that the good flashbacks take place. But you know, it's good that we figured that out because I had been thinking of popping over to Seol whilst abroad this summer...

Oh you haven't heard? Yeah, I'm going to France... No, southern France. I say, let the tourists have Paris! Who want's Paris in July anyhoo? I much prefer the rolling vals de garrigue of Provence. So if you're anywhere near Fontvieille this summer, drop me a line...

Anyway, back to LOST:

-Pre-preggers Sun almost commits hara-kiri (you know, because of the bald guy) but Juliet uses her Other-magic and finds out that Jin is in fact the baby's daddy. Sun's secret shame remains hidden deep beneath her placid, Asian surface ....for now.

-Penny did not fall from the sky, as the most feeble-minded of you may have at first believed. Instead it is a hot Italian...with a punctured lung!!!!! Oh, if only there were a Soviet field surgeon on hand...

-Oh, there's one. But, wai..., wha..., waaaaaaaaaitaminnit! You're dead! Oh well. Quick Jin, neutralize him with your kung-fu!

-What's that Not-Penny? What did you say...? Hugo! Quick, you speak...Latinese, right? What is she saying? What? I can't hear you... Damn the Romans and their inscrutable, breathy accents! Wait, I hear her now, something...Yes, that's right! Oceanic flight 815...! What? They found our plane? But that's impossible! The plane is on the Island! No survivors...? No survivors... But we're survivors!!!! Oh my GOD, it's all so insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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This Week's LOST = 'A' for A Little Predictable But Still Okay

...........Whiskey and Guns: LOST Party, Desmond Style

Things get wacky when the island's resident firestarter starts looking at that damn picture again! With Penny on the brain, Desmond convinces Hurly and Jin to help him stick Charlie in the neck with one of Rousseau's arrows. Everything's going fine until Desmond rips off his head to reveal that he is, in fact



Archbishop Desmond Tutu!!!!!!!!!! Which explains the whole monk thing. Also some chick (not Penny) falls from the sky.

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Last Week's LOST: A for Awkward

So have you ever been stranded on a deserted island only to find that it wasn't really deserted and in fact was populated by a creepy Others cult who then proceeded to torture, experiment on, and generally wig you out?

And then, one of them has to come and live with you on your side of the island and you're all like "Um what the fuck are you doing here?" and Jack's all like, "I know she totally fucked with your lives, but she's with me now so you have to be nice to her." And you're like "Whatever Jack, while you were gone Sawyer gave us pineapples." And Jack's like, "It's a fucking tropical island, there's pineapples everywhere!" And then your friend starts to die but that Other chick saves her life, but it turns out the whole thing was faked so that you would trust her and she's still sooooo one of the Others?

Yeah, totally awkward.

PS: Opening Flower Happy Bird interview coming soon! There's just so much of it!!!!!

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Last Night's LOST = E (for emo)

When Sun finds out Hurly is pregnant with Locke's cheeta baby, the race is on to see who'll pop first! Obviously, the island becomes divided along confessional lines, with all the Sunnis supporting Hurly and all the Shiia backing Sun. The situation deteriorates until Hurly's van blows up outside Desmond's tent, causing him to be flung, yet again, into the past.

Other points of interest:

-Kate mamma drama (plus wacky new Sawyer connection!)
-THE MONSTER RETURNS!!!!!!! Quick everyone hide in a banyan tree! It can't get you there!
-Hurly gets sneaky...
-Sun maybe kinda starts to think Sawyer is an OK guy. Well, not really.
-A coyote wanders into the Island Quizno's and takes a nap in the drink cooler!!!

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Last Night's Lost Gets an "M" For Magical

In spite of ingesting TOO MUCH BOOZE after getting off work, Patrick and I sat down for an intimate evening of Lost. And it is official. The SHIT IS ONCE AGAIN ON FIRE (as pictured above)!

Not spoiling anything for anyone, all I have to say is that you have got to LOVE a show that introduces and develops new characters on a desert island for the sole purpose of killing them of so they can tell you how they die.

Hopefully, next John Locke will give birth….

To a CHEETAH!

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