Live Blogging from Colorado

We're in Colorado. Because we need some space. You would too if this were your fiance.


We feel really bad about ourselves for supporting the RIDICULARITY that is The Hills. Almost as bad as when we watch this show, but not quite. The latest and greatest episode to date brings Heidi to Crusted Butt, CO for some much needed SPACE. (I guess she's never heard of Space Camp, a summer program for the emotionally stunted.) Spencer even has a sister in this episode! With BRAIDS. Heidi and Spencer's relationship is starting to remind us of another L.A. couple...


Meanwhile in GAYE PAREE, Lauren is getting flirtatious (i.e. drunk and LOOSE) with some sketchy French hipsters.


This is France's answer to Justin Bobby, giving Lauren the EYE. (And by the "eye" we mean pink eye. Eventually. And syphillis.)


Lauren is really sad about Brody dating some chick back in L.A. (thanks for the bad news HO-drina!) and decides to grab life by the crepes and enjoy her new friends. She and Whitney (poor, poor Whitney!) meet les hipsters at a "fancy" club with a dress code that stipulates prom attire. Nothing happens, but for a second it looks like Lauren and le Rocker are going to be sexin' in the club like an R. Kelly video.

The problems of all these people on the Hills can be solved with just one thing: SOME SELF ESTEAM! If anything can stop Lauren from trying to derive her self worth from dating male whores and if anything can stop Heidi from recording "songs" and designing clothes, IT'S LOTION!

It is not just the girls Dove has singled out in its Real Beauty campaign who need help...

Heidi needs Dove too!!!! (Or at least some outreach and a social worker)

Then again, if people in L.A. had self esteem, there would be nothing good to watch on TV. CARRY ON HILLS!

But we still need some space.

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P. Tiddy, Boy Reporter: "I Was Tortured!"

Yeah yeah France was cool, blah blah blah.

But the whole trip was almost ruined by the 7 hours I spent locked in an ingenious and evil torture machine called the "trans-Atlantic flight" which seems benign enough until they flip down their little TV screens, pass out the exorbitantly expensive headphones, and force you to watch terrible movies. The kicker is that watching the movies is SO MUCH BETTER than talking to the guy next to you, who was obviously deported from Canada for being so incredibly annoying.

The Gauntlet:

1)


Personally I think the only funny thing Mike Meyers ever said was "She stole my heart... and my cat." And okay, I laughed a little at Goldmember, but only because I was high.* But this, the third Shrek movie is so incredibly awful I don't even want to talk about it. All I can say is that I'm very disappointed in Justin Timberlake, Amy Sedaris, and Amy Poehler. I expect this kind of thing from Cheri Oteri and Julie Andrews, but come on guys… PS, Eddie Murphy reached a new low. Donkey is so not funny. So not funny.

2)


Because I’m mature, I won’t make any weed-related jokes about this movie and instead focus on how shocked I am that a film with both Fran Drescher and Andy Dick could be so disappointing. In this blatant Finding Nemo knockoff, which I think is actually called Shark Bait in America, Evan Rachel Wood (who is not Rachael Leigh Cook) and Freddie Prinze Jr. team up for what can only be described as STINKY FISH BULLSHIT. I actually couldn’t keep watching this thing and ended up talking to the annoying Canadian for like 45 minutes. I’m still pissed about it.

3)


And finally, because one dose of Cameron Diaz is never enough, the only non-animated film of the evening: In Her Shoes, where Cameron plays, get this, a slow reader! And a slut. And Toni Collette plays a fatty who no one loves. And Shirley MacLaine plays a sassy grandma. Obviously Hollywood has been huffing gas and no longer has any imagination. I actually kind of liked this movie, mostly because Mark Feuerstein is totally dreamy. (Remember when he was bi in Ally McBeal!) Unfortunately about halfway through, it stopped being about shoes and started being about sisters and emotions and shit. It was basically like watching a 2 hour episode of Sex and the City, but not as tacky.

Long story short, I didn't die in France and it feels good to be back in the real South. Just in time for hurricane season. Just don't ask me to work on your farm, cuz I'm not gonna!

*On life. Duh.

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From Shibuya to Tate St. By way of France

Little did I know that when posing for the above photo, both myself and the pictured models were reveling in the freshest hottest trend to hit this side of Harajuku all Spring: Maritime Chic!

According to Japan.org (and my co-worker Nikki) the streets of Japan are currently teaming at the brim with boat-neck collars and horizontal stripes. However, beneath my sunglasses I was also rocking a fresh shiner on my left eye that I like to think really completed the whole look by adding some authentic sailor appeal.

So ladies and gentlemen grab some stripes, skinny jeans, and perhaps even a Hello Kitty Backpack, for this trend is the hottest Franco-Japanese collaboration since Cibo Matto!

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