Live Blogging from Colorado

We're in Colorado. Because we need some space. You would too if this were your fiance.


We feel really bad about ourselves for supporting the RIDICULARITY that is The Hills. Almost as bad as when we watch this show, but not quite. The latest and greatest episode to date brings Heidi to Crusted Butt, CO for some much needed SPACE. (I guess she's never heard of Space Camp, a summer program for the emotionally stunted.) Spencer even has a sister in this episode! With BRAIDS. Heidi and Spencer's relationship is starting to remind us of another L.A. couple...


Meanwhile in GAYE PAREE, Lauren is getting flirtatious (i.e. drunk and LOOSE) with some sketchy French hipsters.


This is France's answer to Justin Bobby, giving Lauren the EYE. (And by the "eye" we mean pink eye. Eventually. And syphillis.)


Lauren is really sad about Brody dating some chick back in L.A. (thanks for the bad news HO-drina!) and decides to grab life by the crepes and enjoy her new friends. She and Whitney (poor, poor Whitney!) meet les hipsters at a "fancy" club with a dress code that stipulates prom attire. Nothing happens, but for a second it looks like Lauren and le Rocker are going to be sexin' in the club like an R. Kelly video.

The problems of all these people on the Hills can be solved with just one thing: SOME SELF ESTEAM! If anything can stop Lauren from trying to derive her self worth from dating male whores and if anything can stop Heidi from recording "songs" and designing clothes, IT'S LOTION!

It is not just the girls Dove has singled out in its Real Beauty campaign who need help...

Heidi needs Dove too!!!! (Or at least some outreach and a social worker)

Then again, if people in L.A. had self esteem, there would be nothing good to watch on TV. CARRY ON HILLS!

But we still need some space.

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Cedric Arrives in Brooklyn... WE ARE SO HAPPY/SAD!

It's true- Anna Nicole is rotting away in a hole in the Bahamas (OR IS SHE?), Benazir Bhutto is unable to fulfill the promise of democratic rule in Pakistan, and CEDRIC IS IN BROOKLYN!


This is Erica, guest-posting LIVE from my internship at the Dubai Centre for Human Rights, and trying to put all of this REALNESS into words. The whole city of Greensboro is thoroughly excited to have a local emissary established deep in the heart of cafe life and sexy streetwear (or streety sexwear?) known as Brooklyn, but we've really had a hard time adjusting.

We've been crying and eating lots of ice cream. In Minsk! (Patrick wouldn't shut up about how cutting edge Eastern Europe is, so we took a trip right after Cedric left and buried our faces in Belarusian Dairy Queen.)

Then we got bloated and switched to cake.

Even the buildings were crying! It was a rough weekend.

We decided it was probably a good thing that we never killed Cedric so he would stay here forever.

NONETHELESS we must attempt at least the barest of tributes to the person who has put more than just his TITS into this blog. He was the rich soil from which both HypePipe and Sexxy Sexxy Muscular Black Guys sprung (among many other things which would fill more than a dozen spiral notebooks). He taught old and young to love the Grapevine. He sent text messages. A lot.

He also told us what was happening.



Cedric, for those familiar with Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point, is Greensboro's ultimate connector. He has been the essential Jenga piece, if you will, of life in this city of 250,00 sticks of wood. No matter how gently Cedric slides out of the pile, the whole world as we know it could disintegrate before our eyes!


So Cedric, until we see your postings from the hip outpost, we SALUTE you!!!!!!!! And by "you," we mean, your butt.

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Update on the Future!

This Sunday's NY Times proclaimed the death of the eye-infection-like sparrow and owl design motifs (and those of pretty much all woodland creatures) and pointed us to the future of hipster-created and inspired design.

And the future is spelled S _ Q _ U _ I _ D !

Get a tattoo before some bold Brooklynite steals your idea. Squids for '07!

More Future-Telling:

Band posters...

Then t-shirts (Old Navy by late 2008?) and jewelry...

Then Oprah! She'll help squids take over the world!

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Feist Up Your Ass

We can't even tell you, dear readers, how happy it makes us to see HYPE PIPE in print. Even if it's not in Yes Weekly (holla, bishes).

And we also can't tell you how much we loved seeing Feist! She rocked our buttholes, as promised and our hands are essentially raw from clapping so much. The haircuts and tight pants on Greene Street were enough to make us think we were in Carrboro but we're too lazy and illiterate to leave Guilford County, so we knew we were still in the G-spot. Here are some tips for attending future shows at Carolina Theatre, the pride of Greensboro.

How to Attend a Concert at Carolina Theatre:

Drink beer

Sit as close to the front as you can, even if it's not
your assigned seat, until a music docent asks you to leave

Shake your fist and growl loudly if anyone asks you to leave your seat
(YOUR ass was there first, don't give up without a fight)

Drink beer in your seat, it's allowed!

Bounce up and down in your seat

Talk about everyone else at the concert/show

When it is quiet, yell out that you want to hump a member of the band

Clap and scream like you have a piece of raw ginger in your ass

Go to the bathroom during songs you don't like as much

And above all- rock out with your GREENSBORO out

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First Ever Service Star: NANCY

Ladies and Gentiles, we present to you......

Nancy!

Any scene queen, lesbian, gay, or other that resides in or around LUXURIOUS downtown Greensboro should recognize this spiritual powerhouse. When not being the world's greatest bodega employee, we have no earthly idea what Nancy does. But we're pretty sure it has something to do with saving the world.

So Nancy, here's to you! Your kindness is of a level that has only been achieved by Tina Fey when she created the clip below!

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