What a Pop Performance is S'posed to Look Like

We watched our tape of the J.T. concert this weekend and were so relieved to see that not only is pop NOT DEAD, it is alive and AWESOME. We learn all of our dance moves from YouTube clips and didn't want to keep all these fresh new steps to ourselves. Watch this as many times as you can before the HBO police yank it off the internets. There's just enough precision dancing, discoball futuresex attitude, quality vocals, and flashes of production genius to make us forget all about this.

Ahh! That's better!

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Ladies and Gentleman: TWEETIE!

As we were waiting for Sunday's explosively nuclear finale of Celebrity Fit Club (post to come as soon as possible- it was so RAW, it's gonna take a few days to digest if it doesn't give us E. coli and fucking kill us!), we found TWEETIE, the newest coreographer to the masses and host of what might be (yet another) New Favorite Show. First MTV gave us Laguna Beach Seasons 1-3, and now they have given us a whole show of poppin', lockin', and droppin'. And the show is called...

Seriously, this show is so good. It will probably defeat the terrorists. The only societal ill this show could create is more misappropriation of the word "hood" by people who just shouldn't be sayin' it like that. (Yes, white girl, we're talking about you who calls your cell phone "ghetto" when you can't get it to work!)

Our girl Tweetie breaks down all the "new" dances. And by new, we mean newly uploaded to YouTube. (YouTube is how we learned to dance. We are so glad this has reached critical mass.) Click over to the show to see the "Lip Gloss!" The debut episode also includes the Toe Wop and the Aunt Jackie- yes, yes, and YES! Just be sure if you watch this show you str-e-e-e-t-ch properly and wear plenty of GLOSS.

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Witchin's a Hangin' Error, AND WE LOVE IT!

We don't love hanging, but we love witching! We watched The Crucible this weekend and it is so filled with screaming and bitch-slapping, that it could easily be mistaken for an episode of Springer. Good G-d, it was enough to make us want to start our own coven, but more about that later. Here are 7 things we love about The Crucible.

1. The movie opens with dancing in the woods. It's kind of like Pocahontas meets LSD freak-out.

2. Winona's Abigail Proctor stops dancing only to smash a chicken against a rock and wipe blood all over herself. (Cedric will expand upon Ryder's similarities to Lisa Bonet and her Cosby-killing role in Angel Heart.)

3. A little pilgrim girl tries to jump out of a window and Winona slaps her so hard we had to rewind it! (It's only ten minutes into the film and already you could mistake it for Angel Dusted. Maybe all these girls are like Helen Hunt- high on PCP!)

4. Enter Daniel Day-Lewis, hottest thing ever to wear poofy pilgrim pants!

5. Fifth thing we love about The Crucible? People getting called "whore." Not people really, just Winona's character. And Daniel Day-Lewis's John Proctor keeps inventing new ways to call her one. Examples: "WHORE! How do you call heaven?" and "It is a whore's vengeance, and you must see it." and "She is a whore!"

6. There are at least a million and three scenes of people getting carted around in wagons with their hands clapped in irons. And feet in old-timey pilgrim shoes swinging around from the gallows. (Almost like Dancer in the Dark- was Bjork a witch?) And people proclaiming their innocence. ("I, sir, am innocent to a witch. I know not what a witch is.") And girls screaming that they are getting pricked with needles and dry humped by the devil in the middle of the night.

7. The last and final thing we love about The Crucible? IT'S IN FUCKIN SALEM! We knew it was dangerous to go to Winston-Salem. It turns out that you can get accused of witchcraft and hung by Winona Ryder if you go there and she convinces all the teenage girls to smoke PCP-laced doobies.

How did Daniel Day-Lewis prepare for his role in The Crucible?

He must have watched Sigourney Weaver in Alien Resurrection.

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Here We Are

Here's some footage of the HypePipe contributors. Watch them dance!

You can study and practice at home. Watching YouTube is how we learned to dance- and you can too!

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Opening Flower Happy Bird

HYPEPIPE LOVES OPENING FLOWER HAPPY BIRD!!!!!!!!!!

We love them even more than Sparks itself. And you will too. If you don't know them already, just know that they are awesome, they have a new album out, and they're coming to Greensboro SOON. (like, this Friday soon) We think they may be wiccan, because they have cast a spell on us! Read the complete review of their new CD, "The Projectionist" here.

HypePipe made a trip to an OFHB show in Chapel Hill recently where we learned that the members of the band (all two or three of em) have the saintly patience of angels for not throwing our dumb asses out of their show. (They let us stay despite our dangerous dancing; our chaperone took us out and called the taxi when we started fighting, each other). Even if you don't like to fight, they are a phenomenal live act and deserve the large following we're certain they are going to have. GO SEE THIS BAND!

Live Show in Greensboro
April 13th, 2007 8:00pm UNCG
Stone Lawn in front of Michael Jackson Library

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