Matt Lauer Does Two Oceans in One Day!

Once again, you heard it here hours before it happened- this morning Matt Lauer was indeed broadcasting live from the top of Cape Point, South Africa. With the help of the sky, tea leaves, and clues on www.todayshow.com, we saw the future and painted it in color! (We do it because we love you. )

Highlights From This Morning's Today Show:

Ann said, "You look hot, Matt." (He was sweaty.)

Merd mentioned Matt's BLACK AM EX card. (A transparent and desperate hint for gifts!)

This was the second time Matt opened a broadcast waving around a big stick to ward off wild animals. (The first time was his interview with Paris Hilton, who, like a baboon, will not hesitate to kick you in the dick, take your food, and run.)

The best part? Matt reported from the Indian Ocean and the Atlantic at the same time. So bi-oceanic!!!!

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Broadcasting Live- From Luxurious Dubai!

FINALLY Matt Lauer got his raggedy ass to Dubai, home of Bubbles the Chimp, Halliburton, and all who LOVE LUXURY! As we predicted earlier, Matt touched down in Dubai for a day of luxurious live broadcasting. On top of the pointy hotel! On a heli-pad!

And just as we predicted, Meredith has fallen apart without Matt, her rock and co-host, by her side. Meredith's nervous sarcasm has been so painfully embarassing to watch- we love it! Every other sentence out of her mouth this week has been about how Matt better get busy shopping and buy her some shit. ("Dubai me some gold" Classy, Merd!) If she is lucky, Matt will bring her hotel soap and a pair of socks from the airport Soxx Shop.

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Matt Lauer Can Shove Bhutan Up His Ass!

If Matt does not magically appear on televisions across America broadcasting live from Dubai tomorrow (Thursday) or the day after (Friday), may the earthly agents of Jesus Christ our Lord give him a drug resistant staph infection- ON HIS BALLS!

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