Breaking News: Steven Barclay Soon to Be Dismembered By Aged Monkey

So, tomorrow is April 5th. That day is special for two reasons. 1) My grace period for paying my rent is up. And 2) Amy Sedaris' brother will be in town at the Colliseum.

Now, if you'll recall, I invited Mr. Sedaris to come and have a little chat with me here in cyberland -or rather I sent an email to his manager, Steven Barclay, asking him to extend the invitation.

To date, I have gotten no reply.

I can only assume Barclay has failed even this, the simplest of tasks, and David is yet unaware of the grave wrong been done me. Hence the following terse little letter I sent to Mr. Barclay's office just now:

"Dear Mr. Barclay,

I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Mayhaps you thought my last letter was junk mail or something, rediculous though that may seem at first blush. Mayhaps you were too drunk when you read it to remember to tell David the next morning. I don't know. Or mayhaps you're just intimdated by my intrepid investigations of Chris Daughtry's after party (http://hypepipe.blogspot.com/2007/03/breaking-news-chris-daughtry-ate-cheese.html) and my deepdeep interview with hip hop legend Kid Koala(http://hypepipe.blogspot.com/2007/04/please-jack.html).

Whatever the case may be, I am willing to overlook this slight. I'm writing to inform you that my invitation to David for an interview still stands. However, should I be rebuffed again, I shall have no choice but to recall Bubbles Jackson from his self-imposed Dubaiian exile, and send him to eat you, as he did the late Blanket Jackson.

That is all.

Patrick Tutwiler, Intrepid Boy Reporter, hypepipe.blogspot.com"