Feist Up Your Ass

We can't even tell you, dear readers, how happy it makes us to see HYPE PIPE in print. Even if it's not in Yes Weekly (holla, bishes).

And we also can't tell you how much we loved seeing Feist! She rocked our buttholes, as promised and our hands are essentially raw from clapping so much. The haircuts and tight pants on Greene Street were enough to make us think we were in Carrboro but we're too lazy and illiterate to leave Guilford County, so we knew we were still in the G-spot. Here are some tips for attending future shows at Carolina Theatre, the pride of Greensboro.

How to Attend a Concert at Carolina Theatre:

Drink beer

Sit as close to the front as you can, even if it's not
your assigned seat, until a music docent asks you to leave

Shake your fist and growl loudly if anyone asks you to leave your seat
(YOUR ass was there first, don't give up without a fight)

Drink beer in your seat, it's allowed!

Bounce up and down in your seat

Talk about everyone else at the concert/show

When it is quiet, yell out that you want to hump a member of the band

Clap and scream like you have a piece of raw ginger in your ass

Go to the bathroom during songs you don't like as much

And above all- rock out with your GREENSBORO out