I Couldn't Watch the Whole VMA's Cause I Was Running Low on Gas-X

Last night I just couldn't watch more than a few spurts of MTV's Video Music Awards. Mostly because I was far more emotionally invested in VH1's Rock of Love, but also because I missed the single most important reason for watching the damn VMAs in the first place. I turned on the TV at 9:07. After Britney had done THIS:

Click here to see MTV's clip. (I'm sure they have a crack team of interns deleting files from YouTube as I type this.) What's really hilarious about the clip is that the html address is "britney kickin ass and takin names at the vmas." I watched the clip and it's more like "Britney falling in the butthole of Las Vegas and being pooped out onto the VMA stage."

Like any self-respecting viewer who's aging out of a demographic, I watched Rock Of Love and tuned into the VMAs during commercials. Even though the bits and pieces of the Video Music Awards that I did watch gave me sharp abdominal pains, it was more than made up for by the hour of drunkscapades and superhuman displays of Skank Power that is Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. God, I love those slutty drunks!

During a ROL commercial, I happened to catch Hayden Panitierre reporting LIVE from the Las Vegas Neutrogena Anti-Blemish Pore-Refining Lounge. It should have won an award for most bizarre product placement with a theme tie-in. Las Vegas? Acne? Sure! (Clear skin is so MONEY.) And who do you suppose was the house band for the VMAs? None other than the official music-maker of The Hills' commercial breaks, MARK RONSON!

Because we were far too bloated (and out of Gas-X) to live blog all this nonsense, here is a link to another blog that actually covered the confusing mish mash of loose morals and loose dancing that was the 2007 Video Music Awards: BREAKING MTV VMA LIVE BLOG: Britney Needs to Get In On Our Ass-Action Lawsuit

And for the hard-core Bret heads, I give you this wunnerful clip: Bret Michaels Talking About Stuff and Drinking an Adult Beverage

Enjoy!

UPDATE: fourfour's VMA post is up on VH1's blog! It is amazing and epic. It took my breath away. Read it! VMAs Recap: What Happened in Vegas

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Fuckin FriDaYE!

So my day got off to a BAD start….

+ I Missed TWO buses (which means that although I woke up at 6:45 I was still an hour late to work were I should have been in at 8).

+I was reprimanded by the driver of the bus for stepping over the yellow line prematurely before my departure.

+I checked my bank account to realize that I had approximately $1.78 to my name (which I spent $1.33 of on coffy because I left my home brew at my fuckin house).

+AND I thought that I had pink eye when I woke up.

But then I found this clip of some chick’s cousin “hip rollin” to the Adina Howard/Jamie Foxx classic “T-shirt and My Panties On.” Now things are starting to look up for 'ol ckb2!

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BREAKING NEWS: DURHAM IS KICKING MY ASS ALREADY!!!

So check this out......

I made it to rock town on the train. I then immediately walked off that train, not bringing my luggage with me.

I'm like O.K. its cool, I'll go and see if I can check into the hotel early.

I could not. Why, you ask? Because ladies and gentlemen I am POOR, BLACK, and UGLY! And currently in DURHAM!

So the generous peoples of the whatever-the-name-of-the-hotel-is brought me on their tram full of white women to the 9th St FedEx Kinko's. Where I am spending money to post this while I wait for David's can't-drive-either ass to swoop me and check into the hotel were I will drink SPARKS and think about how to rock the hell out of these adidas tennis shoes to the 3 o'clock wedding..............

This roller derby match isn't over though!

That will happen when I run out of money and can't get home.

(This would NEVER have happened in Dubai!)

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