Urban Outfitters Helping or Hurting?

UO is shipping out a kit that has everything you need to podcast- except beer! But is this a good idea? Will college freshmen soon be demanding that soundproof recording studios be installed in their dorms? Will we stop talking on the phone and start referring family members to our podcasts? Does this mean classes of the future will be taught by iPods preloaded with educational mp3s?

Can this box of macaroni and cheese be considered an iPod if I paint a clickwheel on it and keep my CDs inside? Will Britney get the kids back? And will (P)al Gore help her?!

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BREAKING NEWS!!! Delta Burke to Save Britney?

According to the fine folks at TMZ, Del Shores, writer of "Sordid Lives," is literally HUNTING down B-Ritt to ask her to star in the series he is developiping based on the aformentioned film. Others set to star in the series include Olivia Newton John and Delta Burke.

Between Xanadu and Designing Women, she'll HAVE to break (the cycle) eventually!

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We Tried to Go Easy on Her

Even though she wore her "smart glasses" Britney was out of the Spelling Bea (Arthur) on her first word. The word was "the." We tried to go easy on her...

Click here for more of Britney in a vegetative state "eating" a dillybar in a liquor store. Ooooh, three of our favorite things, all in one photo! Hat trick!

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Tyra Banks, Britney, and Some Crying

While Britney's coterie of enablers has been hard at work helping Brit overdose on food, pills, or whatever's lying around (Alli is not your friend, Britney!) we found this clippy clip on Boomtacular. "We were all rooting for yooou!"

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Muscle Relaxers, Y'all

We are kinda totally sort of completely (maybe) over the whole Britney at the Awards That Must Not Be Named thing. For a day or two we thought her performance was just a hallucination caused by all the Chinese yogurts from the dollar store we've been eating, then we didn't care, then we thought maybe the whole VMAs was a dream conceived in the sleeping mind of a child with cancer in an episode of Highway to Heaven. And then we went back to not caring again, but not before we figured out what made the whole thing possible in the first place.

PILLS!

Brit Brit looked so peaceful (like an angel!) as she sleep-danced her way through the middle school talent show that was the VMAs because, like a 1970s housewife, she got good and relaxed for the show with plenty of VALIUM!

Our guess is she ate a whole lot of muscle relaxers prior to the show, ordered special for the ocassion from her favorite Mexican pharmacy. Cousin and fame whore, Alli Sims, probably gave her the water to wash it down. (Enabler!) Seriously, at the very least someone needs to make sure she stays away from this guy:

BEFORE SHE ENDS UP IN A HARD ROCK HOTEL WITH FIFTEEN POUNDS OF DRUGS IN HER STOMACH (and/or UP HER BUTT)!!!!!

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I Couldn't Watch the Whole VMA's Cause I Was Running Low on Gas-X

Last night I just couldn't watch more than a few spurts of MTV's Video Music Awards. Mostly because I was far more emotionally invested in VH1's Rock of Love, but also because I missed the single most important reason for watching the damn VMAs in the first place. I turned on the TV at 9:07. After Britney had done THIS:

Click here to see MTV's clip. (I'm sure they have a crack team of interns deleting files from YouTube as I type this.) What's really hilarious about the clip is that the html address is "britney kickin ass and takin names at the vmas." I watched the clip and it's more like "Britney falling in the butthole of Las Vegas and being pooped out onto the VMA stage."

Like any self-respecting viewer who's aging out of a demographic, I watched Rock Of Love and tuned into the VMAs during commercials. Even though the bits and pieces of the Video Music Awards that I did watch gave me sharp abdominal pains, it was more than made up for by the hour of drunkscapades and superhuman displays of Skank Power that is Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. God, I love those slutty drunks!

During a ROL commercial, I happened to catch Hayden Panitierre reporting LIVE from the Las Vegas Neutrogena Anti-Blemish Pore-Refining Lounge. It should have won an award for most bizarre product placement with a theme tie-in. Las Vegas? Acne? Sure! (Clear skin is so MONEY.) And who do you suppose was the house band for the VMAs? None other than the official music-maker of The Hills' commercial breaks, MARK RONSON!

Because we were far too bloated (and out of Gas-X) to live blog all this nonsense, here is a link to another blog that actually covered the confusing mish mash of loose morals and loose dancing that was the 2007 Video Music Awards: BREAKING MTV VMA LIVE BLOG: Britney Needs to Get In On Our Ass-Action Lawsuit

And for the hard-core Bret heads, I give you this wunnerful clip: Bret Michaels Talking About Stuff and Drinking an Adult Beverage

Enjoy!

UPDATE: fourfour's VMA post is up on VH1's blog! It is amazing and epic. It took my breath away. Read it! VMAs Recap: What Happened in Vegas

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But Did He Ever Get Busy in a Burger King Bathroom?

Ok, so it's only Tuesday and this week is already bananas. Owen Wilson tried to put the "death spell" on himself, Senator Larry Craig likes doing it in the, um, airport, and Brit Brit is under investigation by the L.A. County Department of "Please Don't Fuck Up Your Kids or We Will Take Them From You."

How many more stars on the edge are gonna go over it in a barrel, when is Kevin gonna get custody of those kids, and really, how many more anti-gay, but also GAY, Republican senators are still in the closet?

JUST KIDDING! (Ricky Martin isn't a Senator, duh.)

To cheer yourself up, you can follow this link to some photos of Britnay's mothering in action. (Is there inappropriate clothing? Cigs and booze? You have to click the link to know for sure!) Forget saving Greensboro, WHO WILL SAVE THOSE BOO BOOS?

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If I Were a Personal Shopper...

Ok, so I know Britney, like totally has it all- swimming pool, collection of "fancy" wigs, I could go on. But I went ahead and compiled a list of gifts for Brit Brit Spears and her poor accident-prone muggle children in case she ever requires my renowned personal shopping services. Plus, I don't think anyone is letting girlfriend near the gifting suites these days!

Two of these,

This for the baby who is probably as strung out as Brit Brit is, (also good for hurling at the paps!)

For the ce-ment pond, one of these,

One diaper cake, delivered weekly, cause BRIT BRIT LOVES CAKE,

And to celebrate the blessing that is divorce, a bottle of Tussin and this,

One of these, for whenever!

Maybe we'll send a copy of this to Lynn too,

And, Brit Brit, I put this on your gift list cause really, it's time to take care of you.

BTW...

Where are Ellen's gifts now? Is Kevin keeping his white-tee collection in the fancy pram? Is B.B. pushing it around Malibu, filling it with empty yogurt containers she picks out of trash cans? In any case, I bet Ellen wishes she had just given them some informational brochures about birf control and a pack of onesies...

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Tweet, Y'all!

The bird hat is back like recurrent eye infection! We are kinda getting used to it- tweet tweet, y'all.

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This Isn't a Design Blog...

But Britney likes birds, y'all!

Mon Dieu, I think she has been reading my posts. I'm scared...

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