Cedric Arrives in Brooklyn... WE ARE SO HAPPY/SAD!

It's true- Anna Nicole is rotting away in a hole in the Bahamas (OR IS SHE?), Benazir Bhutto is unable to fulfill the promise of democratic rule in Pakistan, and CEDRIC IS IN BROOKLYN!


This is Erica, guest-posting LIVE from my internship at the Dubai Centre for Human Rights, and trying to put all of this REALNESS into words. The whole city of Greensboro is thoroughly excited to have a local emissary established deep in the heart of cafe life and sexy streetwear (or streety sexwear?) known as Brooklyn, but we've really had a hard time adjusting.

We've been crying and eating lots of ice cream. In Minsk! (Patrick wouldn't shut up about how cutting edge Eastern Europe is, so we took a trip right after Cedric left and buried our faces in Belarusian Dairy Queen.)

Then we got bloated and switched to cake.

Even the buildings were crying! It was a rough weekend.

We decided it was probably a good thing that we never killed Cedric so he would stay here forever.

NONETHELESS we must attempt at least the barest of tributes to the person who has put more than just his TITS into this blog. He was the rich soil from which both HypePipe and Sexxy Sexxy Muscular Black Guys sprung (among many other things which would fill more than a dozen spiral notebooks). He taught old and young to love the Grapevine. He sent text messages. A lot.

He also told us what was happening.



Cedric, for those familiar with Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point, is Greensboro's ultimate connector. He has been the essential Jenga piece, if you will, of life in this city of 250,00 sticks of wood. No matter how gently Cedric slides out of the pile, the whole world as we know it could disintegrate before our eyes!


So Cedric, until we see your postings from the hip outpost, we SALUTE you!!!!!!!! And by "you," we mean, your butt.

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Wal-Mart is Krazy

Krazy, Flavor of Love II

Have you seen the Wal-Mart commercials where hip, clean shaven Wal-Mart customers (actors) are filling up their cars with "crazy-priced" gas and spouting off about how they may be many things, but they are certainly not "crazy?"

Sure Wal-Mart, we'll grant you that gas prices are "crazy," but this shit is KRAZY!

OOooooOooh, where's Faith Hill when you need her for a good old-fashioned public shaming?

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The LoVinci Code of the Phoenix from Rehab-Kaban

In case you were confused about the recent implosion/explosion/concussion-causing BUST UP that has been "celebrity news" of late, an email HypePipe just received from the Sidekick of Lindsay Lohan explains it all. (You might need to lock yourself in an attic with a peanut butter jelly sandwich to read it all... IT'S EPIC!)

+ In April of this year, (P)Al Gore & L-Ho hatched a brilliant plan to start a coven to stop global warming called "greenPIECE"...


+ But before they could convene their environmentally cracked out magick circle, Asia, that chick who won the Search for the Next Pussycat Doll Slut, caught L-Ho stealing spells (a high crime in witchery!)


+ Over the Memorial Day Weekend, when she realized she had been busted for copping spells, Lindz freaked out and in a blind rage used dark magic to cast Asia into a Phantom Zone (where everyone is forced to wear Pant Suits and sensible shoes FOREVER!)

+ On June 25th word of L-Ho's crack up and Asia's unfashionable fate reached the real Pussy Cat Dolls, and they used their stronger (and sluttier) power to send L-Ho to Rehab-Kaban, the only place on earth where Lindsay's magic (and hopefully her hair) could be cleansed and made sober.


+ Knowing that LaLohan was in Rehab-Kaban and with no time to waste in saving the planet, (P)Al Gore started grooming Hillary Duffet to assist him in healing the hole in the ozone layer with sustainable maGGIKK and poorly choreographed pop routines.


+ On July 15th, nearly thirty days after being punished for her magickal transgressions of the previous month, L-Ho was released from Rehab-Kaban by the DUH-mentors (i.e. the Pussy Cat Dolls). Before her release, the DUH-mentors fitted her with a bracelet device on her ankle to ensure she would not use her maGGGIKK to write, produce, or perform a new single.


+ On Monday of this week, L-Ho heard that she'd been dropped by (P)Al Gore. And even though she was not even two weeks out of Rehab-Kaban, she was so confused and devasted that she hopped on her Nimbus 3000 and flew straight to Hogwarts Lounge Las Vegas at Caesar's Palace.


+ Upon arriving at the Hogwarts Lounge late Monday evening, L-Ho tried to banish the rest of the Pussy Cat Dolls to the same Phantom Zone she had sent Asia to. She tried, but could not scry for them because she was on their (slutty) home court, and so she decided to drink. She drank SO much that she Faggot her plan of banishing the dolls. She also forgot where she had parked her Nimbus 3000.



+ Luckily, by midnight on Monday she was able to hitch a ride to LA with gal-pal Muggle Britt Britt Spears, where she used the forbidden dark magic to conjur the guarantee of a scene at Britt Brit's interview / photo shoot with OK Magazine just long enough for no one to notice BB (BrittBritt) stealing the 21,000 dollas in designer clothes.

+ As a token of Brat-i-tude for the diversion, BB Spears showered L-Ho with a fresh new car and the chance to record a brand new single, written and produced by the wizards that brought us the Paris Hilton Album. Grateful for a chance to record again, L-ho stepped into the studio (around 1:00 am Monday night) to lay down the hook.


+ As soon as she started singing the forbidden NEW SINGLE, L-Ho's ankle bracelet started glowing purple, sending news of her shitty music magick violation to the DUH-Mentors. The Pussy Cat DUH-Mentors, draped in their ghostly (slutty) clothes, conjured some coke into L-Ho's pocket as she sped away from the studio in a stolen Prius and chased her off the road. Tiffany, the drunk mess from Rock of Love and newly hired replacement assistant, was in the passenger seat, wearing a hat she'd had made for the occasion.


According to a post script on Li-Lo's (cryptic and frankly AmAziNg) email to HypePipe, the PCD's fled the scene before police arrived and ran off to become Danity Kane and perform at the opening of a Wal-Mart SuperCenter in San Dimas.

+ And the rest in history......From the future......

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The Party's Over, Say Goodbye

After all this recent crazy out of control foolishness, Lindsay's gonna REALLY forREALforREAL on the real real real real REAL REAL REAL real real real go to rehab...

In AZKABAN!

Now she and Al Gore can't do that thing they were gonna do.

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The Body Count Rises

Soledad, departed this program June 2003

R.I.P. Kat-ay, May 31, 2006

Campbell Brown, au revoir mon ange! July 22, 2007

The Today Show is hemorrhaging talent like ER in the late 90s. We think their current audience is maybe just us (because watching Ann-bot Curry consistently makes our day) and soccer moms who want to see Norah Jones perform on the Plaza and know which flavor of Arbor Mist to serve at play group.

Meredith, Matt, Al, and Ann will soon be replaced by a box of CornDogs:

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Goth Kids Rejoice!

The Cure FALL TOUR DATES

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"Bus People" are "People" Too!

We soiled ouRselves (WITH ANGER) a little earlier when reading this article!

HOW DARE ANYONE (INCLUDING YOU NORTH RALEIGH) TELL US POOR PEOPLE WE CAN'T TAKE THE FUCKING BUS TO TARGET!!!!!

We're gonna take out this anger on another viewing of the preview for Kid Nation!

It's time for somebody to call Billie Jean's Ass!

"For RIGHT IS RIGHT!"

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