Muscle Relaxers, Y'all
We are kinda totally sort of completely (maybe) over the whole Britney at the Awards That Must Not Be Named thing. For a day or two we thought her performance was just a hallucination caused by all the Chinese yogurts from the dollar store we've been eating, then we didn't care, then we thought maybe the whole VMAs was a dream conceived in the sleeping mind of a child with cancer in an episode of Highway to Heaven. And then we went back to not caring again, but not before we figured out what made the whole thing possible in the first place.
Brit Brit looked so peaceful (like an angel!) as she sleep-danced her way through the middle school talent show that was the VMAs because, like a 1970s housewife, she got good and relaxed for the show with plenty of VALIUM!
Our guess is she ate a whole lot of muscle relaxers prior to the show, ordered special for the ocassion from her favorite Mexican pharmacy. Cousin and fame whore, Alli Sims, probably gave her the water to wash it down. (Enabler!) Seriously, at the very least someone needs to make sure she stays away from this guy:
BEFORE SHE ENDS UP IN A HARD ROCK HOTEL WITH FIFTEEN POUNDS OF DRUGS IN HER STOMACH (and/or UP HER BUTT)!!!!!
