BREAKING NEWS- Local Citizens Save Springfield, We Mean, Greensboro

This is not so much Breaking News as it is Recent News, but it is news nonetheless that LOCAL CITIZENS ARE SAVING THE WORLD. And by the world, we of course mean Greensboro.

Something must be distracting the News and Record from reporting on actual world-shaking news like this, so you have to read, of all things, some guy's blog to find out what the Council voted on last night.

So, what happened at Melvin Municipal that could get us so excited? Over 70 Springfieldians showed up to support the U.S. Mayors Climate Protection Agreement. And Mayor Holliday signed! Cool cities, cool mayors, cool kids, and cool people saving the world!

Hooray! We are saved from THE DOME!

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We Reeeeeally Hope the Clay Aiken Candidacy is Not a Joke

According to this, Clayken, who must finally be listening to what his bangs are telling him, has set his sights on Liddy Dole's senate seat.

We reeeeeally hope this is not a joke. We are already very emotionally invested in being represented by Senator Clayken. His hair alone could save us all. Plus, we know why he's running. He wants to fill the state with unicorns! (After he gets hisself a fur coat and flying car.)

Episode 3 of Unicorn Planet

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The Whole World's Watchin' Greensboro...

TO SEE THIS MAN CRASH UNCG'S RADIO STATION INTO A HOUSE!

And by "crash into a house," we of course mean, break the world record for longest radio show.

DJ Johnny Walker (um, we guess just like the whisky), passed the 100 hour mark earlier this morning, and the man is still going! Like Brian Slocum, he needs no sleep, only the air of the studio and the encouragement of the listening public to sustain his weary broadcasting bones.

World rekkids aside, the radio show that Mr. Walker has been squeezing out in one long, unbroken log has been AWESOME and is actually worth listening to. Sleep deprivation (see photo) makes for high likelihood of unintended bloopers, too. So listen in, you just might catch an FCC-violation happening live!

Click here now to listen online!!!!!

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Bush it, Bush it Real Good

Our favorite celebrity news ho, Billy Bush, is once, twice, three times a genius.

From Wikipedia: "He landed the first interview with Britney Spears' first husband, Jason Allen Alexander in Kentwood, Louisiana after bringing a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich to his home as a gift." For the record, we would let Old Scratch himself in if he had an ultimate ham biscuit from Biscuitville.

There are SO many things Billy Bush could bring an end to if he were sent around the world with a blue U.N. helment and a sack o' biscuits!!!! Here are just a few:

- Al Qeada
- Lower back pain
- Nickelback concerts
- Winston-Salem
- Carrot Top
- Actors and actresses using the dark arts to record and release albums
- Clumpy mascara
- North Raleigh shopping center developers
- Human trafficking cartels
- Panda bears

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Old People JUST CAN'T STOP Saving the Wolrd!

Sir Richard Branson, taking time off from ballooning around the world and swan diving into his money bin, has started up a club for old people to SAVE THE WORLD! It's called "The Elders" and includes our favorite living (cause Anna Nicole is dead) saint, Nelson Mandela. (We like the name, but was Team Aspercreme already taken?) Like a Plastic Ono Band of old people, "The Elders" will stamp out poverty, cure AIDS, and free the circus elephants. In between naps, of course.

Nicole Richie, Britney, Paris, Lindsay Lohan = 0

Old People = 2,309,868 and counting!

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