Scandalous, Marvelous, Proof of G-d's Existence

The latest proof that G-d exists is that VH-1 has elegantly timed the debut of the new Bret Michaels fuck-a-thon, Rock of Love, to replace the Dustin-Diamond-shaped hole that was left in my heart when Celebrity Fit Club ended. (And how about those last three Charm School episodes? I laughed, I cried, I tee teed a little!)

The VH-1 programming software will re-run the debut episode PLENTY this week, so I shant give away too much. If you catch it, you need only watch for one person. The Scandalous, the Marvelous, TIFFANY.

At first blush, Tiffany just seems like every sad sack who gets booted off a dating show for being too old. Her charm doesn't totally catch fire until 20 minutes into the show when she gets Free-Booze-Drunk and starts talking major trashy shit to (and about) everyone in the house! She tells people not to threaten her, she slurs to the camera that "everyone is drinking haterade," adding "later haterade" for good measure, and continues to offer more completely incoherent Confucian wisdom throughout the night.

You can tell the show is gonna be one fucked up exploitation of some fucked up people when Tiffany offers this surprisingly successful argument for remaining on the show to Big John the bodyguard: "I had a hat made." (Please write into HypePipe if you know what the hell that is supposed to mean!) Oh, and one more thing. Tiffany, when pressed to explain why she is on the show in the first place, drunkenly mumbles something about "my daughter."

Tiffany, is this your daughter?