We Call Her...
" Ann-Bot"Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Piping Hot Release
WUAG is releasing a CD! Tonight! At Green Street! Read all about it. AND GO!
Wednesday, April 11th @ Greene Street (113 N. Greene Street)
Parts & Labor
Boa Narrow
The Foreigners
The Bronzed Chours
Admission is $10 - When you pay the admission you get lots of things. You get a copy of the new WUAG CD, "Taylor 25: A Nostalgic Retrospective," You will get a pass which will allow you to attend the next night for free at Two Art Chicks, and the first 50 people will get a copy of last years, "18 Watts Is Better Than None."
Look for HypePipe Boy Reporter, Patrick Tutwiler.
You will also get a HypePipe sticker if you pinch his butt.
Cheerleaders are Nasty!
This blew up a while back, but some nasty ass cheerleaders in Texas harrassed other students and teachers, made threats, sent dirty text messages and did other nasty things that only nasty people do and ended up getting kicked off the team. It was SOOooooOOooo Plastics! One of their moms was even the PRINCIPAL! And new revelations have come to light.
So what was the nastiest thing these nasty ass girls did? It's recently been reported that they gave their coach a "chocolate tampon" and made her quit! NASTY!
This all makes us wonder WWDD (What Would Daria Do?)
Baby Moustache Fever
Marc Anthony and Sanjaya Malakar must have clicked rings before last night's American Idle, because their Wonder Twin Powers were activated!
Both love to croon in Spanish to Jennifer Lopez about chinchilla fur coats. They both love to wear silky pajamas around the house. And they both have baby moustaches and the faintest whispers of goatees. Fuck the Olsens, these are our new favorite twins!
While we are pretty sure that Sanjaya was singing "Besame Mucho" all we could hear was "Tresemme, Tresseme Mucho."
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
BREAKING NEWS- Larry Birkhead is the Daddy!
According to this report, Larry Birkhead is the real father. Sorry, Howard. Sorry, OJ. And deepest condolences to Bubbles. None of y'all are the babydaddy!
All we can say is praise Cher! Little Dannielynn finally has a chance at life now that she is out of the icy death grips of Virgie and Howard K. Stern. We give Larry at least ten years before he does something dumb like let her try cocaine, become a model, or dabble in Scientology.
Congratulations! Anna Nicole, dear sweet angel, is watching you from Heaven!
Opening Flower Happy Bird
HYPEPIPE LOVES OPENING FLOWER HAPPY BIRD!!!!!!!!!!
We love them even more than Sparks itself. And you will too. If you don't know them already, just know that they are awesome, they have a new album out, and they're coming to Greensboro SOON. (like, this Friday soon) We think they may be wiccan, because they have cast a spell on us! Read the complete review of their new CD, "The Projectionist" here.
HypePipe made a trip to an OFHB show in Chapel Hill recently where we learned that the members of the band (all two or three of em) have the saintly patience of angels for not throwing our dumb asses out of their show. (They let us stay despite our dangerous dancing; our chaperone took us out and called the taxi when we started fighting, each other). Even if you don't like to fight, they are a phenomenal live act and deserve the large following we're certain they are going to have. GO SEE THIS BAND!
Live Show in Greensboro
April 13th, 2007 8:00pm UNCG
Stone Lawn in front of Michael Jackson Library
This Isn't a Design Blog...
But I fucking LOVE this lamp!
I want to put it in the medical practice I am going to open someday. In the room where you get your blood drawn.Monday, April 9, 2007
...And This Guy Too! Maybe!
Paul Crouch, from the flashy, Rococo, gold-covered, swarovski crystal-encrusted TBN network might be gay. But then, aren't all the big evangelicals gaying it up these days, even the ones who don't broadcast from a set that looks like the inside of Jeannie's bottle? Personally, I've always been a fan of the wifey. Jan Crouch is like a 100 year old Solid Gold dancer. Hot! Watch a vid on the story here.
Dick Cheney is soooooo gay!
Look at him blatantly checking out G Dub's ass. Why is our Dear Leader trying to plug his toaster into a car? God only knows. But one thing, at least, seems obvious -George Bush is a power bottom!
aujourdhui i feel like the nouvelle vague
hence the lack of any punctuation capatilazation or spellchecking dans cette post
i am too free to be constrained
amoureux questcequecest
Blame Canada
If you spent the weekend freezing your peanut butter and jellies off, you can thank Canada.
Canada has given us so much. Cold fronts and melodramatic teen television. And British spelling. And cheap prescription drugs. Thank you Canada!
Here's a clip of the most melodramatic teen television ever to blow across the border and onto Nickelodeon. Ladies and gentlemen, Fifteen.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Haute Like Fire
Congratulations Dubai for making the cover of Haute Living, our favorite magazine only after Yachting.
Dubai's so haute, we can't stand it.
We told you Michael and Bubbles were headed there, Halliburton has already made the move, and Anna Nicole herself would have been chillin on Jumeirah Beach right now if it weren't for Howard K. Stern and those damn 600 pills.
Dubai's even building the world's first underwater hotel. Like in 7th grade when you had to design a fantasy country for social studies, and someone always did "AquaLand," a magical world at the bottom of the ocean under a big glass dome. In Dubai, THEY'RE DOING IT FOR REALS!
Mark our words, everything important in 2007 is going to take place in Dubai.
Tina Fey is Gonna Have a BABY
It's TREU!
Tina Fey is currently working with our favorite hip hop kid, Amy Poehler, on a movie to be called "Baby Mama."
Together Again
THE PLOT: Ms. Tina is playing a single professional in need of a baby. (WOW, can I relate, or what!) Instead of going to Africa to adopt a baby like normal people, she decides to rent out a local womb in which her fetus can gestate. Enter Poehler.
Fetuses, gestation, and fun!
I hope they cast Delta Burke as the Lamaze Coach.
Friday, April 6, 2007
Inspired by Tyra
Remember when Tyra Banks put on a fat suit for a day and filmed it for her show?
Inspired by Tyra, Lifetime TV is bringing us this:
(If you missed her show on homelessness, you can click here to watch Tyra buying Soft-Batch Cookies on Skid Row.)
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Last Night's LOST = E (for emo)
When Sun finds out Hurly is pregnant with Locke's cheeta baby, the race is on to see who'll pop first! Obviously, the island becomes divided along confessional lines, with all the Sunnis supporting Hurly and all the Shiia backing Sun. The situation deteriorates until Hurly's van blows up outside Desmond's tent, causing him to be flung, yet again, into the past.
Other points of interest:
-Kate mamma drama (plus wacky new Sawyer connection!)
-THE MONSTER RETURNS!!!!!!! Quick everyone hide in a banyan tree! It can't get you there!
-Hurly gets sneaky...
-Sun maybe kinda starts to think Sawyer is an OK guy. Well, not really.
-A coyote wanders into the Island Quizno's and takes a nap in the drink cooler!!!
Pet Food Scare and the Malaysian Prime Minister
So I've been trying to figure out who's behind this pet food poisoning. And my pea brain, stressed almost to the point of bursting, came up with some obvious questions. (Emily helped bring it to the finish line cause she's a genius.)
Question: Who would want to poison pets?
Answer: Someone who wants pets to die.
Question: Who would want pets to die?
Answer:
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Breaking News: Steven Barclay Soon to Be Dismembered By Aged Monkey
So, tomorrow is April 5th. That day is special for two reasons. 1) My grace period for paying my rent is up. And 2) Amy Sedaris' brother will be in town at the Colliseum.
Now, if you'll recall, I invited Mr. Sedaris to come and have a little chat with me here in cyberland -or rather I sent an email to his manager, Steven Barclay, asking him to extend the invitation.
To date, I have gotten no reply.
I can only assume Barclay has failed even this, the simplest of tasks, and David is yet unaware of the grave wrong been done me. Hence the following terse little letter I sent to Mr. Barclay's office just now:
"Dear Mr. Barclay,
I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Mayhaps you thought my last letter was junk mail or something, rediculous though that may seem at first blush. Mayhaps you were too drunk when you read it to remember to tell David the next morning. I don't know. Or mayhaps you're just intimdated by my intrepid investigations of Chris Daughtry's after party (http://hypepipe.blogspot.com/2007/03/breaking-news-chris-daughtry-ate-cheese.html) and my deepdeep interview with hip hop legend Kid Koala(http://hypepipe.blogspot.com/2007/04/please-jack.html).
Whatever the case may be, I am willing to overlook this slight. I'm writing to inform you that my invitation to David for an interview still stands. However, should I be rebuffed again, I shall have no choice but to recall Bubbles Jackson from his self-imposed Dubaiian exile, and send him to eat you, as he did the late Blanket Jackson.
That is all.
Patrick Tutwiler, Intrepid Boy Reporter, hypepipe.blogspot.com"
Please Jack!
Podunk tho' we may be here at the Pipe, we are nonetheless still ambitious and bloodthirsty Christians. Which is why we felt compelled to set up a colony on a little known "personal networking" page called Mespace. No wait. Myspace. It's called Myspace.
Aaaaaaaanyway. We're going to be shipping our mp3 files there for the time being in the hopes that one day, they'll grow rapacious and cruel and displace the native population as God intended.
Right now though, there's only one little file. NOT! This file is FUCKING HUGE! It's my sensational interview with Kid Koala -and his lady friend who chimes in every once in a while. Mr. Koala was very nice and Asian and only interrupted me like a thousand million times (jerk). And he's also probably the best hip hop DJ in the world. We talked about all kinds of things, from Creed to Marissa Tomei to Chris Daughtry and beyond. Suffice it to say, he shan't soon forget America's 77th biggest city (that's us, yall!) anytime soon.
Jack Bonney, WUAG GM and personal friend, was the sound technician for the interview, so you'll probably here him in there too, despite my best efforts.
GO CHECK IT OUT!!!!!!! (And friend us while you're at it.)
Pet Food Scare- What to Do!????
Since the tainted pet food scandal first broke, we here at HypePipe have been very careful about what we've been feeding our pets. After experimenting with some of our own recipes, which were inspired by Barbara Harris in Freaky Friday , we gave up on "cooking" and found the perfect food for pets.
The KFC Mashed Potato Bowl is basically the whole fucking menu in a bowl. You and Kitty Boo Boo will love it.
Did I forget to mention? IT'S COVERED WITH CHEESE!!!!
Special thanks to Cold Cold Ice and her dog Ada for the tip-off to the Chicken Bowls.
Tolly Carr Rehabbing His Image
Guess who's in rehab now!
Alleged drunk driver/killer and big dummy, Tolly Carr.
When a local TV news anchor takes a life in a horrific drunk driving crash, really what else is he gonna do? He's certainly not going to write the next great American novel! Tolly knows that the only way to rehab your public image is to rehab your self. Even the Today Show asks "Is Detox the New Vacation?"
Alleged drunk driver/killer and big dummy, Tolly Carr.
When a local TV news anchor takes a life in a horrific drunk driving crash, really what else is he gonna do? He's certainly not going to write the next great American novel! Tolly knows that the only way to rehab your public image is to rehab your self. Even the Today Show asks "Is Detox the New Vacation?"
Britney's Hideaway
HypePipe is too lazy to link to or list the public figures (as Tolly keeps reminding us, he is a public figure, please...) who have gone straight to rehab in the wake of drug, alcohol, f-word, or n-word related scandals, but you know who we're talking about!
Our prediction for Tolly's next move? As he reminded us all, he's gonna need money, so we're thinking he might enroll in Massage Therapy School.
The Semi-Homemade Lady Can't Have Kids
I think Sandra Lee, of the Food Network, is barren. Maybe. Probably. It's a hunch. (She's always cooking for the nieces and nephews, but we never see her kids.)I'm thinking it's the soup mix. All those nitrates can't be good for the reproductive system.
I'm waiting for her to end a show by crying into her tablescape.
Our favorite Niecy:
White Kids Love Hip Hop For Reals!
Rumor has it that turn table impresario Kid Koala will be stopping by the deepunderground studios of WUAG sometime Wednesday afternoon! Will Patrick Tutwiler, Intrepid Boy Reporter be able to fake enough street cred to get a decent interview!??! Only God knows now....
Stay tuned to HypePipe to see what God does next!
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