An "interesting" post on ginger root has been added to Wikipedia. It has no references or sources, so it was probably posted by a weirdo who has a thing for pan-asian cuisine.
Cedric and I took a crunk-tastic road trip to Georgia to see our good friends Andre 3000 and Dem Franchize Boyz and I would have sworn on Sabrina's teenage broomstick that I saw Patrick on I-85.
Turns out it was just the Gaffney Peachoid. Damn, I hope you are having fun wherever your ass is!
Ladies and Gentiles, we present to you......
Hey yous guys, it's me Patrick! I've been traveling all day, but I finally made it to New York City! Man, when they say this place is the center of the universe, they ain't kidding! There are so many A-rabs and foreigners running around here, it's crazy! Plus all the girls dress like Chi Chi LaRue and they have TVs everywhere!
I spent last night in our nation's capital, where I went to the Smithsonian and toured the White House...Okay I got drunk and accidently erased all the songs from my iPod. But there's something special about drunkenly traipsing the streets that Mark Foley himself traipsed so many times before, tousel-haired, freckle-faced teenager in tow.
But anyway, I get to stay here in this fancypants airport aaaaaall night! Well, until 12 anyway. Then its off to Jolly Old England, where I will most likely bang some mash and drink a pint. Hey speaking of, the airport bar is closing soon, so I'm gonna jet. Hah! Get it, jet! Whoot! It's good to know that even this far away from home, my blogging skills are still sharp sharp sharp.
Okay say a little prayer to God asking him to let President Bush thwart all the terror plots that are bound to unfold tomorrow. And also ask him to make ciggarettes cheaper. For reals
Ciao!
Patrick
Ouchie! Back to prison. Heaven knows I do! Maybe not the 2.5 hours of it that I was exposed to last weekend. But a 1 hour weekly session of man tears is more my speed ( and a lot less sad than this), and luckily ABC read my mind is now catering to my sick sick desire with the creation of The Shar Jackson Show!
Did y'all watch the local weather this morning? If you're in the state of North Carolina, probably anywhere nearby too, everyone is going to be treated to a FREE steam bath! Fuck the gym- just walk outside. We hope you're all wearing cotton panties and breathable fabrics, this is going to be a sticky one.... And by sticky, we mean sweaty. And by sweaty, we mean ass nasty.
Fresh on the Heels of Paris being released due to “illness (crabs),” I am proud to report that I had the great fortune last night to witness her best friend NeeeCole Richie on the David Letterman Show receiving a large, tight, five-fingered-fist up her as from the tired, old talk show host himself. Here at le Pipe we love us some NeeeCole, but Letterman does an excellent job “probing” the socialite for all the deets of her own impending, possible incarnation. If you look hard enough you can see her bones blush!
AND.....
Last month, fellow rehab junkie Lindsay Lohan met the same fate on the Martha Stewart Show. However L-Ho’s appearance was made worse by the fact that, A.) Martha is Martha and B.) She waited until they were tit-deep in making cream puffs to lodge her fist deep in the young one’s rectum. For the most part, Martha focuses on the confection at hand, periodically she reminds Lindsay of the fact that yes, her shit does stink. REALLY REALLY BAD!
G-d Bless Old People!
From the Funny Stories about Tragic Situations Department, a Charlotte art teacher (at an elementary school no less) LITERALLY put a sign on his door announcing that class was cancelled until Friday. Not till 2:00, but Friday. When administrators busted open the locked door they found him getting ready to shoot up some H! Arm band, spoon and everything! I bet he wished they'd found him buggering the history teacher instead.
p.s. click here for a lovely AWESOME Paul Dinello fan site
Oh that's right, it's Jesus.
They can both do MAGICK!!! My dream coven: Jesus, David Blaine, (Copperfield? I think not), Goody Proctor, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and all three of them bitches from Charmed. If HypePipe had a Fantasy Magick League, who would YOU choose?
Has anyone seen Ann-bot Curry's interviews this week? Her chip has been malfunctioning HARD. She started off the morning by hassling the Hoff. He kept trying to talk about how AA is all private and shit and there goes Ann-bot, asking more questions about how hard it must be to be an alcoholic eating burgers off the floor. (Yes, Ann, keep going!) She kept bringing up his kids and he was getting a little, shall we say, testy. Then the interview ended so awkwardly. You could tell he felt like he was tricked by her sneaky robotical ways.
Then the eerily precocious real live child, Bindi Irwin, came on to talk to our favorite robot about her new Animal Planet shows. Bindi was in the middle of talking about her daddy (her dead! daddy) and Ann-bot interrupted by saying something like oh no honey, you didn't understand my question.
There was some smoke comin' out of her "emotions" circuit board for sure. G-d we love that hot, hot robot.
We wish that we had actually caught her chat with Dr. Kevorkian. This is also what we wish had happened in the interview: Ann, gently lifting Dr. Death's chin, squints her eyes into a deep Ann Curry stare of empathy as she sings (in a slow, half spoken tone) the chorus of "Everybody Hurts" pausing dramatically before saying "sometimes."
Who gay, you ask? If you believe everything you read on the internet (and I do!) then former N' Sync member JC Chasez is, wait for it...
Click over to the Beet for the sto-ray. I really sincerely hope he's dating Josh Groban! (Oh please let it be true!) They would be like the next Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood.
I don't make up the gossip, I'm just passing it to the left hand side!
Patrick, we know you're going to France so we'll stop fucking with you, but you will never really escape our attempts to photograph your head and cut and paste it to shit. We will miss you dearly, fair Princess. Bon voyage!
Here's a farewell message courtesy of the nerds who invented AltaVista Babel Fish translation. (We don't know enough French to fill a thimble.)
Nous vous souhaitons le meilleur. Nous esprons que vous obtenez un certain amour chaud de fesses de Français. Parole bonjour à Johnny Depp pour nous. Et rappelez-vous, ne mangez pas de la viande de cheval!
Hey there pony wranglers! My name is Kevin,
and I love baking, broiling, and fisting. And I love love love COWBOYS! Now I'm not a cowboy myself, and I've never really been near a farm, and clearly
I'm not capable of any kind of labor-intensive physical activity, but I do have a giant poster of Jake Gyllenhaal on my bedroom wall! Thus I feel I'm ready for a LTR with a real, honest-to-Gawd cowpoke! If you feel the same way, come on over to gaycowboycentral.com and check out my profile (orgasm69)! You won't be dissapointed!*
*Well maybe you will, but hey it's better than calling Quest! Trust me!
Paris Hilton has finally been locked up for being a ho!
Just like Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose on the episode of the Golden Girls where they end up in jail because they're mistaken for prostitutes at a cheap hotel and they miss their chance to meet Mr. Burt Reynolds.
Except this time- there's no mistake!
I see the our Lord, Lord Jesus: the vision is beau-ti-ful!
She will be doing many, many pencil drawings of Jesus...
This one is unmistakable! I can see it clear as a dew drop on a Scottish thistle!
LAUGHTER YOGA!
Wooo, I'm exhausted. Being psychic is verrrrry draining. You would certainly already know this if you caught last week's awesome episode of Wife Swap!
Sheree Silver, exhausted psychic
Once again, XDR TB threatened to derail my weekend, but luckily I opted for a local beach setting instead of a flight to Paris with the Typhoid Mary guy who's been flying around the world, spreading his TB-filled sputum to passengers on several international flights against the advice of his doctors and all fucking common sense. On the upside of all these plagues, if X-treeeeeeeeme TB or Bird Flu starts spreading, maybe we can FINALLY get our hands on some decently fashionable surgical masks from Japan!
Who has the bigger CAMEL TOE?
This Canadian Queen?
Or the REAL KABALISTIC thing?
Help Us Decide!
