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HypePipe has OLYMPIC FEVER!

And the only cure is MORE OLYMPICS! For the past 189 days we have been drinking Coca-Cola products, watching NBC non-stop, and waiting for the EXPLOSIVE opening ceremony. WHICH POPS OFF IN LESS THAN 4 HOURS! Meredith Vieira has listened to two whole hours of "In Flight Mandarin" and Bob Costas has had his remaining pores surgically removed. It's gonna be a great Olympics!

We're not sure how much of Jesse Camp's hair was used in the construction of the Birds' Nest, but it certainly does look stunning on the Today Show. At this point, the only important detail of the opening ceremonies to end all ceremonies (sorry Salt Lake City) is WHO OR WHAT IS GOING TO CAUSE A DISTURBANCE OF OLYMPIC PROPORTIONS BY PROTESTING THE PAGEANTRY!!!

Will the Beastie Boys parachute into the stadium during the
opening ceremonies in order to help Free Tibet?

Or will these Chinese girls, taking new pix for their Facebook, decide to "declare
independence" and take their tops off during the opening ceremonies?

HypePipe votes for sexxxy French civil disobedience by hot Reporters Sans Frontières.

Take your temperature- maybe YOU have Olympic fever!

This dog has Olympic fever.

This can of diet Coke has Olympic fever.

This picture of a tank running over somebody has Olympic fever.

Even hula hoops can get Olympic fever.

Woah, these skulls have it... (CUTE!)

These Chinese police ladies do not have Olympic fever.

BTDubs, do Tibetan people have O.F.??? Can't tell! Looks like they want to
stop the Olympics and also beeee in them. OMG, Tibetans be so crazy!

In closing, these are the Top 6.5 Things We Are Fucking Jazzed About The 8.8.08 Olympic Games:

1. PAGEANTRY! (See: Superbowl Halftime Shows, America's Best Dance Crew, Olympics of Year's Past, Madonna)

2. Old bitches who can SWIM. Take a drink every time you hear someone call Dara Torres "old." You will be dead from alcohol poisoning after watching NBC for an hour.

3. Hearing Daft Punk all the time on TV during inspirational sports montages. Harder Better Faster Stronger!

4. PROTEST! (See: Sexxxy French Reporters)

5. Gay divers. This diver from Australia is soooooo gay.

6. The Today Show's twitter account! Meredith, Matt, Al and Ann are tweeting. Hopefully Ms. Ann will get drunk and take the Today Show cell phone from Meredith to give the public some UNFILTERED robot-generated content.

6.5 Did you hear about Clay Aiken's baby?

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It's Like, Real Hot

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Elder Statesman Takes Dirt Nap

Bonne nuit ange doux!

We feel like we lost our very own PeePaw! All we can think of to say to you, Jesse, (if you and Jerry Fallwell are listening) is thanks. Thanks for the angst. We probably would never have left North Carolina without you. (OMG there's a whole big world out there!) Also, thanks for being so "controversial." Do you 'member all the KraYzie junk you said about AIDS and
black people and gay people and the civil rights movement and MTV and foreigners? You may not know this, but because of all that mess you talked about everybody, society was able to make a lot of progress in political zines. And boy we sure did have a good time making that poster for that rock show we did in our basement. It was a picture of your face with laser beams shooting out of your eyes and blood running out of your mouth! LOL!!! And we will always remember that R.E.M. concert where Michael Stipe told us all to vote for Harvey Gantt and said you were totally gonna lose your next election. It was like he was telling us he approved of our mid-size city not just as a concert venue, but as the bellwether for social change in our nation. (He was wrong- oh wells!) And remember that funny bumper sticker "I'm from North Carolina and I DON'T support Jesse Helms"? People from North Carolina who had relatives in New England probably had to buy those so they wouldn't get shot at while driving through New Jersey. But they were still fun even if you never left the state! Well, I guess you really do have the last laugh Mr. Helms, because today you are blowing up the blogosphere like a Lil' Wayne remix. And you stayed alive long enough to see Kid Nation. (We really hope you watched. It was fucking amazing!) So, to wrap up Jesse, we made this Youtube tribute video just for you. We hope you like it- we spent all morning (hungover) on it!

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Yay! Teen Pregnancy Has Gone Viral!

The HypePipe graphics department produced this high resolution bitmap file, ready for posting to your friends' Myspace pages:


P.S. The 16 year-olds of today were 5 years old when Spice World came out. The 16 year-olds of today are going to be awesome parents. The 16 year-olds of today are THA FUTURE!

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sprinkles

Radio Skit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Download "Sprinkles"

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Paracking Lot Obamacert

Students, waiters, and other people who did not have to be at work at 2:00 on a Tuesday packed the Superchunk/Arcade Fire P-arack-ing Lot Obama-cert at the Greensboro Coliseum. In contrast to his well documented condemnations of Daughtry, Obama did not denounce Fallout Boy.

Fallout Boy: totes not denounced

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Set Your TiVo's Like They've Never Been Set Before

IT'S...

If you don't watch this show, then YOU HATE AMERICA!

Celebrity Rickshaw: it's the only show where celebrities compete in rickshaw-to-rickshaw HEATS for donations to their favorite charity! And Olive Garden coupons! It's high concept, high budget, and it is the only reality show for the summer that is dressed head to toe in a silky coat of CHINCHILLA FUR.

We're currently shopping our show treatment to UPN and the WB. Celebrity Rickshaw will change your life. And your morals!!!

The first exciting episode takes Tara Reid and Gary Coleman to the streets of Jakarta.



The Celebrity Rickshaw makes its next stop in Pyongyang! (IS THERE BOTOX IN NORTH KOREA?!) Tune in to find out and see many more exciting and sexy celebs, such as:

The Tracy Flick girl from "The Paper"

Bubbles

Jamie-Lynn Spears, pregnant

Betheny, who WILLS her rickshaw to victory with her steely gaze. And common sense!

And this guy from Short Bus

And our celebrity passenger for each and every EXPLOSIVE ROUND OF CELEBRITY RICKSHAW:

Ms. Khloe Kardashian

Celebrity Rickshaw. Watch it. With your eyes.

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We Have Heidi Montag's New Single

And it's STUNNING!

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Urban Outfitters Helping or Hurting?

UO is shipping out a kit that has everything you need to podcast- except beer! But is this a good idea? Will college freshmen soon be demanding that soundproof recording studios be installed in their dorms? Will we stop talking on the phone and start referring family members to our podcasts? Does this mean classes of the future will be taught by iPods preloaded with educational mp3s?

Can this box of macaroni and cheese be considered an iPod if I paint a clickwheel on it and keep my CDs inside? Will Britney get the kids back? And will (P)al Gore help her?!

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Delta (Burke) Airlines: Making Dreams Come True!

Thank you Delta (Burke) for not cancelling flights this weekend! My important engagement in New York City can go on as planned. Cedric and I will be sure to write you an email of appreciation for giving that faulty wiring another couple of weeks to work itself out. New York's gonna be GREAT! Even tho it is sposed to RAIN all weekend. I just hope we are turtle enough for the turtle club...

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Sky BUSTED

Erica blogging again, not from Colorado, but from a place of anger!

I was intending to hop on the luxurious and low-cost flying Greyhound line, Skybus, next week for a few days of careless whispers and self-esteem building at the HypePipe's Brooklyn outpost (Cedric's apartment). HOWEVER, I just learned that Skybus is officially DEFUNCT. Based on Patrick's experience, I'm probably better off without Skybust as you couldn't get from Greensboro to Manhattan without a lot of nonsense in Newburgh involving buses, regional rail, and Foxy Brown.

How's this for effective customer communication and crisis management? "Passengers holding reservations for Skybus flights scheduled to depart on or after Saturday, April 5, 2008 should contact their credit card companies to arrange to apply for a refund."


And you can't call them because THEY DON'T HAVE PHONES! I feel like a ch-izump for choosing an airline without a phone. If someone does not have a phone, they are usually not a good person to ask for a RIDE.

Skybust also sold candy, perfume and baby clothes in-flight as a "fundraiser" for the airline. Yet another sign of a bad business model. It's kind of too bad about that; I really wanted to load up on peanut M&M's and Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds. (These have always brought me luck!)




THOM YORKE can tell you how I feel about this whole wrinkle in my bank account and travel plans:

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Live Blogging from Colorado

We're in Colorado. Because we need some space. You would too if this were your fiance.


We feel really bad about ourselves for supporting the RIDICULARITY that is The Hills. Almost as bad as when we watch this show, but not quite. The latest and greatest episode to date brings Heidi to Crusted Butt, CO for some much needed SPACE. (I guess she's never heard of Space Camp, a summer program for the emotionally stunted.) Spencer even has a sister in this episode! With BRAIDS. Heidi and Spencer's relationship is starting to remind us of another L.A. couple...


Meanwhile in GAYE PAREE, Lauren is getting flirtatious (i.e. drunk and LOOSE) with some sketchy French hipsters.


This is France's answer to Justin Bobby, giving Lauren the EYE. (And by the "eye" we mean pink eye. Eventually. And syphillis.)


Lauren is really sad about Brody dating some chick back in L.A. (thanks for the bad news HO-drina!) and decides to grab life by the crepes and enjoy her new friends. She and Whitney (poor, poor Whitney!) meet les hipsters at a "fancy" club with a dress code that stipulates prom attire. Nothing happens, but for a second it looks like Lauren and le Rocker are going to be sexin' in the club like an R. Kelly video.

The problems of all these people on the Hills can be solved with just one thing: SOME SELF ESTEAM! If anything can stop Lauren from trying to derive her self worth from dating male whores and if anything can stop Heidi from recording "songs" and designing clothes, IT'S LOTION!

It is not just the girls Dove has singled out in its Real Beauty campaign who need help...

Heidi needs Dove too!!!! (Or at least some outreach and a social worker)

Then again, if people in L.A. had self esteem, there would be nothing good to watch on TV. CARRY ON HILLS!

But we still need some space.

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Sexxy (Muscular) Hospitals

Sometimes two articles appear in the NY Times on the same day that explain a lot about Robin Antin's disproportionate (and LOOSE) influence on our psyche.

Today we learned that sex infections are on the rise among teen girls and at the same time sexxy hospital wings are on the rise in Ohio. In a fitting tribute to the head trauma, car accident and gunshot victims of the Columbus area, ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH donated $10 million and some posters of male nipples to the Columbus Children's Hospital to name its trauma and emergency department after it.

We blame all this on the Robin Antin and the Pussycat Dolls new project, Girlicious:



This video explains why, in the future, all health care will be financed by tween clothing outlets:

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Ryan Phillippe, We Have Our (THIRD) Eye On YOU

Is it just us, or...

could Ryan Phillippe in some way fulfill Heath Ledger's unlived potential, dream the undreamt dreams of a talented life cut short? At the very least, he will plug up, if only for a brief moment, the gaping hole in the zeitgeist that was left by Heath's untimely departure from this mortal coil (Brooklyn). WE THINK!

Sure, he kinda sucked in Crash (a movie which actually sucked) and hasn't done much that we can even remember, but he's got SERIOUS movies coming out. This is how serious:

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Baby Laptops

Baby laptops, built for babies (and perhaps by babies), have caught our attention. Mostly because they can be had for a mere 1oo bones! But also because they can survive x-treme weather and dropping from great heights and African dust storms and they get the internets, like, anywhere.

We are pretty bored with the old model of financing computers and replacing them the second a drop of Sparks enters the keyboard. If they can stream Hype Machine and open gmail, we are GETTIN BABY LAPTOPS!!!!

Thank you Hundred Dollar Laptop man!

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Why We Love the Today Show

Here's the YouTube clip we've been waiting allDAY for! When the Today Show started its contest "Why I Love the Today Show" we had no idea Miss Jane Fonda would give us SO MANY REASONS in just one vag-tastic interview.



It includes Merd's PRICELESS attempt at a composed apology. Out on the plaza. Because nothing says gravitas like going out on the lanai.

Thank goodness they sent Ann-bot to Africa (in yet ANOTHER attempt to get her killed). She would have blown a c-word circuit!

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They Were Such a Happy Couple...

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FRIDAYS ARE 4 (FUR) FASHION

Brave (AND STRONG) correspondent, Cedric, reporting LIVE from the Chelsea/Manhattan/Bed-Stuy Field Offices of HypePipe:


"So this broke ass ho is about to leave werk and since I am too poor to go somewhere and drink right away, I've decided to take the train up to Bryant Park and linger outside the final show of fashion week which just happens to be Sean Jean.

I'm tinkin that with any luck, i'll catcha pita activist being shot 4 trying to pour paint on Diddy's moms!"

To celebrate fashion weak, watch this video of a falling ass model!

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WENDY'S IS ROBBING YOU ALL!!

So Before I left the G-Spot the Super Value Menu at Wendy's had suddenly become a bit more pricey (and pricey, I mean more than 99 cent).

At Home, I once heard a clerk explain to a feisty landscaper one day that the price increase was seasonal and it happens all the time...........

GREENSBORO that was DOO DOO FECES!

I just found today that the Wendy's near Prospect Park in Brooklyn STILL HAS THE ORIGINAL PRICES!!!!!!!!!!!!

and I ain’t mad.

But in parting, PLEASE VISTIT our bff's @ MONKEYWHALE to view the hottest footage of the 4th Ever HypePipe City-Wide Spelling Bea Arthur to ever be recorded and published on the internets!

And speaking of the internets.........in order to quail any rumors, the clip below is not me but represents what I have been up to 24-7 since arriving at my new home.

-enjoy!




Tay(Diggs)Amo!

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Cedric Arrives in Brooklyn... WE ARE SO HAPPY/SAD!

It's true- Anna Nicole is rotting away in a hole in the Bahamas (OR IS SHE?), Benazir Bhutto is unable to fulfill the promise of democratic rule in Pakistan, and CEDRIC IS IN BROOKLYN!


This is Erica, guest-posting LIVE from my internship at the Dubai Centre for Human Rights, and trying to put all of this REALNESS into words. The whole city of Greensboro is thoroughly excited to have a local emissary established deep in the heart of cafe life and sexy streetwear (or streety sexwear?) known as Brooklyn, but we've really had a hard time adjusting.

We've been crying and eating lots of ice cream. In Minsk! (Patrick wouldn't shut up about how cutting edge Eastern Europe is, so we took a trip right after Cedric left and buried our faces in Belarusian Dairy Queen.)

Then we got bloated and switched to cake.

Even the buildings were crying! It was a rough weekend.

We decided it was probably a good thing that we never killed Cedric so he would stay here forever.

NONETHELESS we must attempt at least the barest of tributes to the person who has put more than just his TITS into this blog. He was the rich soil from which both HypePipe and Sexxy Sexxy Muscular Black Guys sprung (among many other things which would fill more than a dozen spiral notebooks). He taught old and young to love the Grapevine. He sent text messages. A lot.

He also told us what was happening.



Cedric, for those familiar with Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point, is Greensboro's ultimate connector. He has been the essential Jenga piece, if you will, of life in this city of 250,00 sticks of wood. No matter how gently Cedric slides out of the pile, the whole world as we know it could disintegrate before our eyes!


So Cedric, until we see your postings from the hip outpost, we SALUTE you!!!!!!!! And by "you," we mean, your butt.

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Merry Christmas!

Stay safe out there.

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Leslie Feist can’t come to the 4th EVER HYPEPIPE CITY-WIDE SPELLING BEA (ARTHER) either!

BUT SHE SENT THIS FROM A BUS!!!!


Pardon the Kimmel and cometo the Bea!

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BREAKING NEWS: CHRIS DAUGHTRY WILL NOT BE ATTENDING THE 4TH EVER HYPEPIPE CITYWIDE SPELLING BEA (ARTHUR)!!

And we couldn’t BEA more excited!

For those of you who have been concerned, we are indeed alive and are coming back with a VENGEANCE! And by “vengeance” we mean………


THE 4TH EVER HYPEPIPE CITYWIDE SPELLING BEA (ARTHUR)!!!

To celebrate the arrival of our favorite season, TWINter, we will once again converge upon The Flatiron @ 8:00 pm on Saturday, December 22 to spell, yell, and raise all kinds of (John Mc)CAIN!

We’ll be celebrating Patrick graduating from the university where they say that’s not possible (yoU Never Can, in Greensboro). Cedric will be celebrating his last week in the G-spot before moving to the hamlet of Brooklyn, NY. And Erica (remember her) will be showing off her new door-knocker earrings which will be sure to cause a STIR!

AND there will be a very special appearance and performance by Hypepipe’s resident house band SexxySexxyMuscularBlackGuys!!!!


AND our brand new friends from BURN Energy Drink will be on hand adding fuel to our non-traditional holiday flame (clean burning of course cause we’re still green ya’ll)!

So ditch your family (or bring ‘em if they can take it). Scalp those Daughtry tickets (Because if anyone will be back to GSO Coliseum it is him, or them, or whatever the hell they are). And get ready to spell a hole into the ground deep enough for us to make it to Beijing by the 2008 Summer Games.

seeyouTHERE!

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