Crazy Legs Actually Not So Crazy
Turns out there's a genetic explanation for Restless Leg Syndrome. (But we still think it's made up. Like Osteoporosis.)
Friday, July 20, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Dubai-spot
Tiny jets and MASSSSSSIVE luxury are on the way and they need to hurry up already. We are more than just a tiny bit geeked (and foolishly impatient) for the building of the AWESOME sushi restaurants, fine shopping emporiums, and fabulous fashion districts that are sure to be first on the international businessperson's to do list. To the mayor or anyone else who can bring Neiman Marcus to Greensboro: HOLLA
Nelson Mandela 89 Years Young!
The gift list:
Desmond Tutu- solid gold throne, Jacuzzi filled with champagne
Jimmy Carter- pallet of bricks (leftover from last project with Rosalyn), a lock of his own hair
Salman Rushdie- box of Omaha steaks
Oprah- tickets to Cats, (must attend with Gayle)
George Clooney- $35.00 P.F. Chang's gift card
Tyra Banks- Swarovsky crystal-encrusted sack o' pony feed
Sir Richard Branson- KitchenAid mixer, iPod RED, coupon for "Free Hug"
Barbara Walters- burned Josh Groban cd (stolen from Joy Behar's desk), educational brochure "So, You're 89"
Bono- live camel
Krispy Kreme is Trying to Save its Ass
By making ours BIGGER!
Sales are down and stores are closing, so Krispy Kreme is puttin ice cream on donuts now. This really is genius and confirms something we have suspected for a while: all problems could be solved if we just PUTsomeICEcreamONIT!
It actually looks kind of good. We'll post a review if we ever find ourselves hungover and in the immediate vicinity of a Krispy Kreme. Remember, a good, thick coating of ice cream can save the world!
Jennie Stencel Taking Over the WORLD (Lock the Liquor Cabinet)
The first thing we said when we heard there was a sink-hole in Wendover Avenue was "GRRRRRRRR" because "sink-hole" translates into long term delays and an inability to properly get our party on in the Latham Park/Hill Street area.
The second thing we said was "Jen-nay strikes again!" Clearly, she is on the fast track to taking over the world, and nothing raises a traffic girl's profile like a long-term guarantee of traffic news!
ENTER: THE SINK-HOLE
Yea!
At first, (like in 2005) we LOVED Jennie cause we thought she was a random drunk who wandered into the studio and started reading off the teleprompter. Then we learned that she may well be a big crazy drunk, but she is more likely just genetically unable to act right. We still like her, but now that we realize that most of her comedy is "on purpose" we watch the WXII morning crew just for Kimberly Van Scoy's always uncomfortable (and PRICELESS) reactions to the tempest of frivolity and stoopidity surrounding her. Oh, and Brian Slocum.
Need more proof that Jennie's takin' ovah in '07? She got the WXII webmaster to give her HER OWN WEBPAGE!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
We Really Liked Her Better
Monday, July 16, 2007
We Don't Need Another Hero
What we need is a Summer Jam, preferably, before September. Really, what is UP with 2007 not having one single, solid summer jam?
Remember this?
And, good GOD, how about this? (He-llo? We played this shit like we were gettin' paid by the track!)
So far, we've gotten crazy hot for Lip Gloss and we pretty much love any song that you can grapevine to. That said, should THIS be the next song to blow out our collective subwoofers this summer?
There is enough to be depressed about without a good beat to thump out on a dashboard. We are now officially accepting nominations for the 2007 SUMMAH JAY-UM.
holla
Scandalous, Marvelous, Proof of G-d's Existence
The latest proof that G-d exists is that VH-1 has elegantly timed the debut of the new Bret Michaels fuck-a-thon, Rock of Love, to replace the Dustin-Diamond-shaped hole that was left in my heart when Celebrity Fit Club ended. (And how about those last three Charm School episodes? I laughed, I cried, I tee teed a little!)
The VH-1 programming software will re-run the debut episode PLENTY this week, so I shant give away too much. If you catch it, you need only watch for one person. The Scandalous, the Marvelous, TIFFANY.
The VH-1 programming software will re-run the debut episode PLENTY this week, so I shant give away too much. If you catch it, you need only watch for one person. The Scandalous, the Marvelous, TIFFANY.
At first blush, Tiffany just seems like every sad sack who gets booted off a dating show for being too old. Her charm doesn't totally catch fire until 20 minutes into the show when she gets Free-Booze-Drunk and starts talking major trashy shit to (and about) everyone in the house! She tells people not to threaten her, she slurs to the camera that "everyone is drinking haterade," adding "later haterade" for good measure, and continues to offer more completely incoherent Confucian wisdom throughout the night.
You can tell the show is gonna be one fucked up exploitation of some fucked up people when Tiffany offers this surprisingly successful argument for remaining on the show to Big John the bodyguard: "I had a hat made." (Please write into HypePipe if you know what the hell that is supposed to mean!) Oh, and one more thing. Tiffany, when pressed to explain why she is on the show in the first place, drunkenly mumbles something about "my daughter."
Tiffany, is this your daughter?
Sunday, July 15, 2007
File This Under "No Child Left Behind" or "Are You Fucking Kidding Me?"
I did a Michael Jackson "hee heee" when I read this on some chick's Kimora Lee Simmons blog:
ATTENTION STUDENTS: Please do not email requesting additional biographical and historical information for Kimora Lee Simmons or Baby Phat for your school
project. All the info I have has already been compiled and is located on this
site.
Really, what schools are allowing these kinds of assignments? And are they hiring?
So You Think You Can Spazz
According to YouTube, this video has like a billion hits, all of them totally deserved! (I think I'm gonna forward it to Maya Angelou.) Keep watching- at the 2 minute mark a fuckin' rope swing enters the picture. OK, so it's a given that they're hopped up on Sunny D. and Totino's Pizza Rolls. I think it's safe to to say they're also rollin! God Bless America.
I really hope these spazzy, spazzy tweens are on the upcoming season of Kid Nation... (REALLY)
Teen Pregnancy Rate Has Dropped, And We Know Why!
Pregnancy rates are down not because today's teens are any less slutty than their forebears, but because they doin' it in the butt (and probably other places).
Oh, yes, we watch Oprah- we know about lipstick parties and Sex Bracelets!
Oh, yes, we watch Oprah- we know about lipstick parties and Sex Bracelets!
You Love Me, You Really Love Me!
Via Myspace.com:
Patrick,
basically I am really druinhk righ now and I am w2erinting youn this m3eesage that I sam ordaering jimmy jojhns righty now and I am thinkging of y9ou an edhow when we live together we will be able to orsder jj wehb ev4er we want to... yeah yea and we will fo wo coillehe jill when e eer we want o too I mioss you a oao tand hgipe things are good wqith.
love mols e
So obviously, Molly is, like, my best friend. From the rest of you, I´ve received nothing but completely sober (and boring) bullshit.
Step it up!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Friday, July 13, 2007
Breaking News: Big (Gay) Brother Contestant Consumed By His Own Nipples
If you watch the show, then you know that what's his name is a terrible person! And therefore not even worth the code that I have wasted on him thusfar!
Ty Pennington, Adderall, duh!
So, according to our friends at Idolator, a wee pop princess (blind item, but I think it's probably Dakota Fanning) has been poppin' Adderall and even offering it to everybody she sees. This normally wouldn't interest me more than any other story about drug abuse. I do, however, harbor a sneaking suspicion that Ty Pennington, the megaphone-crazed "builder" on Extreme Makeover: Emotional Manipulation Edition, is TOTALLY involved.
Did anyone else know that Ty was the official spokesdude for Adderall? Is anyone surprised to learn that he is?
It's a celebrity/pharmaceutical match made in heaven! Sally would be proud!
Brian Slocum Watch
Just in case you've been dragging your hungover bones out of bed after the Today Show and all its related local foolishness is over, or if you simply have more fabulous or important things to do...
We'd just like to remind you that Brian Slocum, WXII's everlasting gobstopper of news and weather, has been behind that news desk all week long- for the 134th time!
The last time this happened, Jennie, Austin, and V-Scoy were all on vacation or getting their batteries replaced or something. This week, however, B-Slo at least had a weather assist from A.C. and Jennie's feeble joking to take some of the pressure off. But just wait, he'll be back at it Saturday and Sunday, racking up more overtime than is healthy for a local news personality. (BUT seriously WE LOVE IT!)
Got Ludes?
Last night, after mourning (but not really) the removal of my namesake from So You Think You Can Dance, I managed to catch David Letterman interviewing one of the most interesting “people” that I have seen on a talk show in quite some time.
Her name is Vera Famiga and she was there promoting some spook Flick name Joshua. Now I know nothing of this girl or her indie film, but what I do know is that she MUST have dropped a Quaalude or some sort of mind-altering barbiturate (that leaves you with cotton mouth) before taking the stage.
The clip is kinda long because it’s the whole interview. However, most of it is her talking about her experience with exploding sheep. See if you can count the number of times she goes to drink from the mug full of “water” mid-thought.
PS – If anyone has her cell number, tell her that this broke ho LOVES IT & wants to hang out!
Thursday, July 12, 2007
No Justice, No Tees!
Justice, the French duo responsible for the techno-fantastic video of jubilee jumbled up t-shirts (see post below), has worked its Francophonic earworm into our brains in a way that we thought only Daft Punk could!
AND NOW- you can buy the shirts from the video. Maybe. The website is confusing and the money is in Euros. (We never said we were smart... Did we? Maybe Patrick did.) If all else fails, just wait for the knock-offs to hit Old Navy!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Pan-Teen (Pro-V) Witches!
If anyone is wondering what to get me for Bastille Day, I offer for your consideration the DVD of Korea's witch-based tv show, featuring Happening Haircuts and Fabulous Fashions: Witch Yoo Hee!
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Not So Yum-o
Divorce rumors have been swirling around Rachael Ray like a giant stream of E.V.O.O. in a non-stick pan for months now, but according to most major (that is to say, ones that come up on google) sources, her marriage is actually looking pretty toasty, bubbly and golden - that is to say, DONE!
Oh, that and her husband likes to be spit on. (Kink-ay!)
The Lost Ark
This video clip is the Lost Ark, Rosetta Stone, and the Dead Sea Scrolls all in one. We watched this video SO HARD over the last year, we probably broke it; it disappeared from the internet as mysteriously as Blue Sparks vanished from local convenience store shelves. And after a good six months in hiding, ladies and gentlemen, "HATIN ASS BITCHES ON MYSPACE" emerges to thrill us once again!
If Miss T, Allie B, and Mackin Ass Nae don't raise us to a higher level of consciousness, then I don't know who or what will.
So You Think You Can Save The Planet...
So in my continuing effort to make the world a better place, I have decided from time to time to introduce you all to a bit of choreographed dance that I feel holds the key to all of us elevating to a new level of consciousness and socio-cultural awareness (Like when Michael Jackson turned in to the robot/space ship at the end of Moonwalker).
This week I present to you teen-come-twenty-something man-dance- deity WADE ROBSON teaching us a fresh new way to slide and glide.......
Enjoy!
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